Note: This blog is serious and it is really coming from the heart, if you can’t take it seriously then don’t waste your time reading this.
Hmm where to begin? Well as some of you should know I’m BC (Hurry up April I hate this name) or bacon creator, I first joined this community to play SSBB with people and make friends. I joined on the 7th of November last year and to my surprise there was a decent sized SSBB community. I can remember it like it was yesterday, I had my first game with Shitashi (aka R4VEN) (Well I played aero first but that was through another site) despite the lag there was I still had fun ( I had bad internet then lol). Now normally I would not show up the next day but after our games I had the most positive feedback from him, he told me that I did have a lot of work to do but my control in the air was great, he said I had the potential to be a Power Ranking player, this made me feel warm inside so I decided that (This game is for me) so I stayed to get good at it.
Ok this is when things started to go downhill….
In real life when I’m in a new community I’m a person that is hard to get a word out of, I stay on the sides and minds my own business, It’s the same with online but I would talk more then I would irl, its like my real self and my internet self are completely two different people, for a few days I slowly started to open up here on MMGN but when I was I started to notice people like Toki, Kurogane, Blade, etc treating each other in a certain way, it was obviously there way of having fun. What went wrong is I started to “try” and act like them, I thought that this would be the best way to fit in……I was dead wrong. The sense of humour, trolling and behaviour seemed to be to mature for me; I took a joke offensive and left for a few days (Reasons being I was using a forum aimed at younger players beforehand, my inexperience with the internet and partly my Autism not taking the joke), after I came back things were a little quit for a few weeks I started to act up again but this time there was no break, I was so hell bent on trying to fit in just by trying to act like the older members I started to become annoying, I started to act like I was apart of the jokes as long as the older members and then after SummerSmash I was screwed over big time.
I’m not going to say much but there was a money issue with the event and a slight argument started n the smashboards, I then made a problem I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH my own I brought it onto here by attacking another member who happen to be one of the most loved members of the AUS smash scene. The issue was I destroyed a friendship with a person before it even could have started and in the end the more I argued the more of a jackass I made my self, but why did I do this? Honestly idk, but it was a stupid thing to do.
After that event things again settled, but the problem was not gone I was still trying to fit in but as time went by the more annoying I became, the more it continued the more I was treated like a child by the older members.
Not only a few months ago did I do some stupid things, the first issue was strangely enough a semi conflict with the brother of the person I got into an argument with, again I stuck my nose in (this time acting like a smart arse) and this resulted in someone disliking me and thinking that I’m a complete idiot.
Only about a month later did I stick my nose in AGAIN, I again had 0% to do with this and what I did was is not understand a joke and took this as a threat, the person I “thought” I was defending questioned it (jokingly) and I stood in and tried telling him that we was not joking and he was serious, This of course was stupid because I have only met the person who I thought made that threat once and I spent at least two pages trying to convince that this was no joke. Conclusion, not only did I make an idiot out of my self but also that person I “thought” I was defending. I should also knote I kind of brought this on to MMGN, I later rage quit the site for a day or two.
Now I guess its safe to say I made my first mature decision, I sent a Pm to a friend on here asking what I was doing wrong, he explained that I was taking EVERYTHING on the internet so serious, I was jumping in situations I was not involved in and I was acting like an annoying child. He was right so I settled down for a few days, but then I just could not help my self and tried to act like everyone else to fit in.
Only was it yesterday when someone gave some extra money to the Brawl prize money for a tournament taking place in Melbourne and I stupidly tried to be “Funny” and say “Brawl haters gonna hate”, no one else said anything about it so from looking at this today I just looked like a complete tool.
Today, I continue to do it by treating newer/less better members like children.
Why have I written this?
To be honest I spent 2 hours today looking at past posts and realising what a complete idiot I have been, I felt that the Person posting as ~BC~ was not me but a character that is not being him self and was trying to act like the other members.
So what did I do wrong?
I came into the internet not being socially mature, I made other peoples business my own, I tried to act like somebody who I ‘am not resulting in looking like an idiot and becoming annoying. I could also say I joined the site at the wrong time; I was finishing my second last year of high school and was moving into my last where I would be certain to have/having ups and downs, I was in the middle of a fierce conflict with my father which was making me depressed and worst of all I’m facing to having to leave a group which changed my life in 2009. All in which meant that my emotions would be VERY unstable.
What can I do?
1. Well for starters I need to be my self, so here I go.
Hello, I’m currently “BC”, my nickname is bacon creator or you can just call me “Blake” if you wish, I’m a person that loves Horses (I can explain why later), I love the country, I love Farming, I love technology and I love video games! (Retro games are my fav <3 ) My favourite Video game Character is Lucario because I love animal characters, I love energy based powers, I love blue and I love his personality. He is the reason why I brought SSBB which now happens to be my favourite game, its original, its fun and it has made me SO many friends. I’ll admit I do have ADHD/ASD and I’m autistic. I’m not embarrassed to say that I am emotional and I can get sad pretty fast and easy.
2. Take a break, yes I have decided to take a break some socialising from the SSBB thread until I finish school, I will only say hi there and ask for games. I shall post more on two of the other sites I act like my self on (Except for the Australian boards, I act like a clown there so I will stay away from there as well) and continue posting in the retro thread which happens to be the only place on MMGN were I’m my self.
3. Become more mature, irl I’m decently mature, I’m a leader on our schools horse show team and you would not believe how mature I am. With the internet, I need to stay out of things that don’t concern me, I need to wise up take a joke and not act so emo about things. Maybe this blog is a major start? I honestly don’t know but it could be but idk *Shrugs shoulders*
Well now that I got this off my chest its time to make changes, I will finish the rest of my schooling and take a break from full socialism and wise up and make my self more mature after this.
If you took the time to read this then thank you, I hope that the smash people read this and took this seriously because it was manly for you.
1,531 words in under 2 hours 0_o
That’s more then my AG assignment and that took me weeks xD
Well, I guess that can show how serious I am……..