*Disclaimer - anyone sensitive to bizarre posts will be well advised to discontinue reading. Management accepts zero responsibility for its actions.
Greetings and salutations everybody! Have any of you also felt like writing something, but had no real axe to grind? Today i shall experiment with the idea of putting something up in full 'stream of consciousness' style - i shall take the heat before any of you attempt a similar thing, and unknowingly leave yourselves open to cries of "What the hell is this? This blog is complete trash! Also, i heard this guy fornicated with a dog". I take the heat so you do not have to, my friends.
So then - onto the main course of this clumsy metaphor. Ordinarily, here is where one would broadly set up their contention, and then go on to establish a point of view. Problem is, that when one is being oh so postmodern in their approach, it does leave little room for specifics. I would submit to any readers that writing a piece like this is truly a misguided idea. First and foremost, the question of "what does this have to do with videogames?" is certain to rear it's head. Admittedly, this is a good counterpoint, and one that surely demands a well thought out response - either that, or an admission from the writer that this is essentially someone masturbating all over their keyboard and firing it into the ether.
As is often the case with any well thought out riposte, it is often tempting to conjure some kind of flimsy rationale or straw man argument to enable the author to feel as though they are not a total bell-end. However, i will endeavour to take the high road while totally not doing what i just described - has anyone wondered what kind of ludicrous, nonsensical and brilliant stories could result in a game being written in much the same style as this piece? Granted, whilst i am certain the vast majority would be complete cow dung, i think there is definitely room for the gaming audience to appreciate the absurd. Bloody hell, it's basically how Suda51 made a name for himself. Wow! Connection made - albeit one i am certain to have little pride in.
At this time, it is no doubt becoming painfully obvious that this piece is just like an unsharpened pencil - without any kind of point. Which is exactly the point - experimentation being what it is, i have zero idea how this piece will go down. My guess would be that after approximately ten comments of people reacting as though i just personally threw a molotov into their loungeroom, i will be left wondering "why on earth did i think this would be a worthwhile thing to throw up?". It has often been said that artists must suffer for the good of their work, but there are two problems with this statement as it pertains here: one, i am not wearing a beret, hence am not an artist - and two, ive taken multiple paragraphs to say very little at all.
It must also be stated just how easy it is to continue writing whilst only allowing oneself to record any errant thought as it occurs. For all i know, this could have quite easily turned into a detailed history on bestiality in different cultures. Thankfully, it is something of a small mercy that we haven't gone there - for one, i doubt you have the time, and i also don't i have the interest or the expertise for that matter. Cheese wheels is another topic that was possible to pop up, which i for one am thankful we have been spared from. Whilst this may raise questions of psychology or perhaps substance abuse, rest assured there is no official diagnosis at present - nor any heroin in my veins, to nullify these potential accusations.
Well, i am pleasantly surprised with the amount of text filling the screen with zero rhyme nor reason, and now find myself eager to see other people attempting this same methodology, simply to see what happens out of morbid curiousity. I do feel as though i have just performed the literary equivalent of a nine car pileup, and could be no happier for it. The fact that said pileup is but a simile allows me to be assuaged of any sense of guilt which i may otherwise experience as a result of my irresponsible and frankly, reckless writing. No need for an ambulance call out, either.
Now my friends, i submit myself at your mercy - will i be raked over the coals for simply trying something different, a la Rosa Parks? Or will the community find some value in allowing me to sit at the front of this metaphorical bus, and garner some enjoyment out of the notions of tolerance and light entertainment? Aren't rhetorical questions useless?
*This piece was written start to finish in ten minutes - no animals were harmed in the making of this blog